Thursday, October 11, 2007

Born. Lived. Died.

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.

It's come around again, like it does every year. I know it will never stop, and remember very clearly when Ziggy died that I dreaded that every year for the rest of my life I would have to experience these three days.

This year was harder than last, for some reason. I felt overwhelmed with my sadness and despair. Maybe I felt the same way last year, and it has just softened with time. I do allow myself to feel it, though, and really focus on what we would be doing if he had not died, what he might be looked like, how his voice would have sounded, what kind of sneakers he would want, what his Halloween costume might be like. It's excruciatingly painful, but purges my soul of some built up pain and seems to help me fact October 13th.

It also, very very strangely, weirdly and I believe not at all coincidentally, Ziggy's birthday is the day I got pregnant with Duncan. And yes, I know this for certain! Advantage infertility treatment.

The weather is finally clear and beautiful here, which is nice. The State Fair is going on and Iain and I simply cannot wait to bring Duncan. We are also totally psyched about Halloween and most of all, Christmas. We are rediculously excited and silly about all of it and are going to put our tree up the day after Thanksgiving! Lots of lights! Maybe even fake snow on windows! No, no fake snow on windows. Mommy hates cleaning.

Anyway, there's the very very bad and the very very good.

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