Saturday, June 27, 2009


I am just coming off a high of an overnight retreat for my MOPS Steering Committee. I feel so fortunate to be a part of this group of women. I really can't find words to express just how fortunate, or how blessed. They are smart, funny, real, loving, aware, and have a heart for ministry and for moms. Just to be a mom is still something that I have to catch my breath and pinch myself, to make sure it's real. But to be a mom among this group of women is one of the biggest blessings of my life.

So, thank you, fellow steering committee members, for the shot in the arm, the hugs, the laughs (oh the laughs!) and for being on this earth, at this church, in this group at this time. Truly divine.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Our boys





Duncan seems particularly attached to Finn. I see glimpses of my future with these two boys and it seems wild and fun. Claire seems to just sit back and watch them in awe. It's really interesting to watch siblings close in age (I am 8 years younger than my closest sibling, so I did not have this growing up.)

There will be lots of forts in my future.

How did Dennis the Menace's mom do it?
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Friday, June 12, 2009


Getting a little too grownup for me. Can you stay four for a while? You will still sit in my lap, and curl up next to me but I also sense the growing independence and it breaks. my. heart. into. a million. tiny. pieces.

I can barely think of how much I love your for fear my heart will shatter. You are mine? How is this beautiful boy mine? Not mine, in the sense that I own you, but mine to birth, mine to raise, mine to shape, mine to influence, mine to love, mine to hold, mine to mend, mine to comfort, mine to let go. Ah, here come the tears. You do this to me, boy.

Think I will go stare at you sleeping.


Sunday, June 07, 2009

Now and then



Happy Birthday to my wonderful boy. I still need to work up the courage to write to you what is in my heart. It brings me to tears just thinking about it. Your dad and I love you so very, very deeply and are so proud to be your parents. Every single day I thank God for you, and for making us a family.

More later,

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When slinkys attack


Slinky bit back today. More on how my oldest is four today. Sob!
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Saturday, June 06, 2009

Sick Baby Feet

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That purple line on her forehead? Where they tried to get about the 10th IV.
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Starting with today...

So, I will start with the present so you know how this all ends.

Today, at 8:00 in the morning, Duncan was already in need of a shower. He had been outside in the backyard digging in the wet sand, waiting on his dad to get home (which he'd been doing since 6:00 a.m.) "Where's my dad?" "When does Daddy get home?" "Is he on the freeway?" "Did he bring me a tractor? A whale?" "When does my dad get home?" Constant. Since he opened his eyes. Claire is sleeping in her bed, in the dining room (but not for long, grasshopper!). Iain just called from the airport and he's getting his bag and will hop in a taxi! Must update the boy in the shower.

Yesterday was hard in that "I've slept in a chair for two nights and am so dead tired and my four year old misses his dad and my 8 month old daughter is crabby because she's had the flu and the croup and my 8 month old son has been at his Aunt Becky's all week" kind of way. Nothing was working right and I was out of sorts all day. I really cannot remember my last shower. Monday, perhaps? Thank God for great friends. My great friend Molly took Duncan to the Dallas Arboretum for a few hours to burn off some energy. But, yesterday was not my proudest mommy day. He ate lots of cookies, some yogurt, a cheese quesadilla and a kid's meal from Sonic. Any veg? Fruit? Not unless you count the strawberry slush I brought him.

Thursday...woke up in my chair, got Claire discharged and came home. I really am having a hard time recalling how Duncan got home, but he did. OH yes, my sister brought him for a playdate at great friend Betsy's and she brought him home. Thank you, Betsy for exhausting him. He was asleep by 7:30! Claire was feeling better, but not great. So very tired. Did not sleep well. Up every four hours with sick baby.

Wednesday. Still in PICU. Memories growing foggier. Was discharged to pediatric floor which was not as nice as PICU. Say much? We were in isolation room, which meant it was smaller and there was not a bed like I had been promised. I had to sleep in a chair again! Sadness. Sister brought Duncan up to hospital so I could take him to his end of the year choir party. I was really missing him at this point and was glad to have some time with him. Back to hospital and my chair. Did not sleep at all this night.

Tuesday. What? Where? In PICU with Claire. Lovely room, with awesome nurses but am sleeping in chair. Well, not really sleeping. Lying in chair. She is very sick, but will be fine. Fussy, irritable, coughing, just a bad scene all around. Had some visitors so I could take a few breaks. Lots of calls from a worried dad.

Monday. Um, okay. I should have known this would be a bad day when my hair dryer would not work. Was supposed to go have lunch with old dear friends at mom's and Becky's. Friends I have not seen or spent time with in years. Wanted to look half decent. Did shower, but hair dryer broke. Of course! Will go natural with hair, but can at least put on some makeup. Claire seems to be coughing alot...hmmm...I'll call Aunt Brenda. Oh, take her to the doctor! She will get a shot then we'll go on to Mom's and Becky's. I will just wear my swimsuit and cute coverup from Land's End. Can you see where this is going? Went to doctor's office with Finn and Claire and was sent right to ER. Much chaos...I think they were alarmed at how hard she was having to work to get a breath. After a breathing treatment she only deteriorated. Was put on heliox, and that seemed to help. Three people tried to put an IV in her and three people failed. My poor baby was completely worn out from being poked, and my heart was breaking into a million pieces. Had support of friends who came to my rescue, and sister who came to get Finn and bring him home. After six hours in ER, we were sent up to PICU where Claire finally settled a bit but was still pretty restless and sick. Aunt Brenda came and sent me home, where I later learned that no fewer than three more people tried and failed to get an IV in her, before the final nurse from the NICU was successful. Aunt Brenda stayed with her all night while I spent 8 glorious hours alone, asleep in my bed. Norma and Jori came by for moral support before I took my Ambien. Love you guys!

Sunday. Duncan's big family party! Hooray! Went to church and dropped off three healthy children at Sunday School. On the way to Granny's, Claire starts coughing. Oh drat...allergies and drainage! Proceed with party while Claire coughs a bit and will not nap. Hmm...she really is a party girl! Does not want to miss a thing! By 8:00 she is finally sleeping, but Duncan is a totally exhausted wreck and decides to spend the night...a blessing in disguise. On the way home, Claire's cough grows worse and I am up all night wiht her, knowing it's croup because she sounds exactly like a seal. Will call Aunt Brenda in the morning to see if there is anything I can do but am pretty sure she'll just have a few days of not feeling well.