It's a gas

I went to the dentist on Wednesday to have three fillings restored. It was the most relaxed I'd been in weeks. Say much?

Dishwasher still not working. Garbage disposal not working. Am in appliance hell. Again. Did I mention I hate my oven, too? It's small, and although notancient, a piece of crap. At one point it started just beeping. All on it's own. Beeping. So Iain took the cover off the control panel and now it just hangs there, and is misshapen because I left the broiler on too long one time. I hate it. Hate, hate, hate my oven. The fan? Runs for about thirty freaking minutes after I turn the oven off. Did I mention I hate my oven? But that old, bottom of the line washing machine I loathe and actually googled "how to break a washing machine" over? Still works like a charm.

So, instead of spending time alone today, like Iain wanted to and I agreed to support, he worked on installing a "new" (new to me, old to my mom and sister) garbage disposal. You girls know how these things go, right? Bless his heart, he worked tirelessly on it but I don't think it's working. And the day is gone.

So, here I sit having a glass of eggnog (not Iain's homemade kick-ass eggnog, but the crappy kind in the carton) with Alot of Bourbon in it. Happy Holidays! From the applianceless Michies!

Oh, so back to the dentist. My dentist rocks. Love him. As soon as I was in the chair he was like, "let's give you the laughing gas". Oh yeah, baby. Hook momma up. And he did. And it was great. I have no problem admitting to that fact. I was in that chair for a little over an hour and was loving it. Like I said, most relaxed I'd been in weeks. When does Parents' Day Out resume? January 8th?

Sippy Cup Nation

We are now a house of more sippy cups than bottles, and that makes me a bit sad. Gone are all jars of baby food (well, for a while now, I suppose), burp cloths, intricate Dr. Brown bottle cleaning apparatus (a quick rinse in hot soapy water? good enough), sterilizers, wipe warmers, and most things tiny. My baby has mostly been replaced by a toddler...a boy...a person. A funny, affectionate, chatty, curious, industrious little person. How do mothers survive this? I suppose many have another baby, in hopes of recapturing that magic of babyhood. That is most likely not an option for us, barring some enormous increase in salary for Iain, as well as other changes in circumstance. So, instead of coveting what I see slipping away my goal is to be so grateful for what I have been so richly blessed with that I do not pine for things I either no longer have or that I would hope to have again.

Tonight Iain was cleaning out our garage, it's "big trash weekend" and he (I think) needed a healthy distraction since it's Sunday meaning tomorrow is Monday...and work. He called me out there to show me some things he found in the rafters. Some really cool old upholstery fabric that was kept in a cardboard tube. Funky in a good way. And, touchingly, the baby shoes belonging to the children of the woman we bought the house from. She lived here for 35 years and raised three kids in this house...and left their first baby shoes in a plastic bag in the rafters of her garage. They all say "Michael's first" etc...on the soles in blue ink. I am going to try very hard to track her or her children down. Any ideas?

Duncan's language is exploding. "No no Jack" to my sister's dog, Jack is about the cutest thing I've ever heard.

Here he is in his Christmas finest. 

So, today is Duncan's last day at Mother's Day Out until January 8th. Can you hear the collective sighs coming from my part of town? I have a very active boy, who really does need to be active...daily. The days of hanging out inside all day are long gone, my friends. He pines for the great outdoors. So, in my panic I found a Little Tykes slide on Craig's List for ten bucks, to add to the growing collection of things I never dreamed I'd have in my backyard. It's not is as great of shape as it appeared in the pic but buyer beware, right? The girl looked like she needed the money (we wont talk about how she had her two year old in the front seat in a seat belt...to be fair it was a pick up...an old crappy pick up) so I am rationalizing the ten dollars that way.

So, I have toys in the back and plenty of books and am making plans for play dates and visiting granny. Don't get me wrong, he's a blast and I love being with him but I'm on a learning curve here. And, I also feel guilty if I'm not tending to his little brain all the time. I am not sure how much time out of our day is reasonable for me to not be playing with him, reading to him, tending to his needs. He's too little, really, to play alone for too long. Isn't he? It's tough.

The good part is he's hilarious. He loves to dance, clap his hands, play chase, stomp in the leaves, wrestle (that's Dad territory), read books, and go for walks to see anything and everything up and down our street. He's an endless joy to us. Every night after we put him in bed we sit and ruminate about how awesome he is. It would make any non-parent sick. Really.

He loves croutons (and will find the box among many boxes of other things in the pantry), snowmen ("man man"), and Arthur books. He is very afraid of plumbers, the bubble making toy he got for his birthday, and those reindeer with lights on them that move their heads that people have in their front yards.

Never a dull moment

Duncan figured out how easy it is to get on the dining room table via the chairs (yes, they are really that green...long story...I am quite anxious for them not to be green but that's another post.)
He also likes to wear our underwear on his head. And can sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" the cutest part is when he does "down came the rain"...my.God.It.Is.Cute.
 

Things that are amazing

• It is snowing. In Dallas.
• Yesterday, it was 80 degrees and Duncan was playing in the back yard in just a diaper and shoes.
• He is still sleeping through the night.
• Iain and I both stayed home today (Iain's office was closed) but Duncan had preschool/mother's day out. Again, because of the "wintery mix" a/k/a "arctic blast".
• There is nothing going on in Dallas besides the weather and the Cowboys playing the Giants on Sunday. If there is, they aren't talking about it on any of the news broadcasts.

Duncanspeak

Ah-too = Thank You. Often spoken at grocery store check out lines, Starbucks, Granny's house.

Ceee = Cheese. Wonderful, wonderful cheese! String form or slice, does not matter. Even shredded, I love thee.

Rowr = In response to "what does a lion say?" To be spoken in a very gutteral voice.

Mamoo = Nemo

Eeee Ah = Uh oh!

Fact: Wiggles car makes great step stool to reach stove top. Especially with mommy's car keys in one hand.

Fact: It takes exactly the same amount of time for mommy to put mascara on one eye (top only, bottom lashes not included) as it does for toddler to climb on top of toilet, grasp toothbrush holder (mounted to wall...old fashioned tile kind) and climb into sink. All with full sized toothbrush in his hand.

We have sleep, people.

For the past ten or so nights, Duncan has gone to sleep easily and slept all night long in his own bed.

My life has changed. I see colors more brightly. There is a spring in my step. I get a little choked up just writing about it.

Contenders

We had some pictures taken last Saturday and I'm having a time narrowing them down for a Christmas card. I have about 125 to choose from (we own the CD and the pictures, which is really great...love this photographer and will pimp her on this board soon.)


 

These pants have been banned for any activity outside of our home. However, I think they are precious cute and am going to put him in them for Mother's Day Out tomorrow. Iain thinks they look like Hammer pants. 

Sleepy and Grumpy

So, it's time for Duncan to sleep. Through the night. In his own bed. Our current routine is:

• 6:00 - dinner
• 6:30ish - bath and frolicking (sp?) involving running around naked (Duncan, not mommy and daddy) and doing anything possible to avoid being diapered and jammied.
• 7:00 - diaper, jammies, bottle of warm milk, books...same ones over and over and over...
• 7:30 - rock to sleep and put to bed
• Anybody's guess but usually around 10 pm - wake up and cry for mommy...do not stop until she comes in. If she's tired enough, coax her into twin bed with me at this point and we are good until moring. If she's still got some gas in her tank, allow her to put me back to sleep but only for a little while, then cry and wake up. By this point she is way to tired and will just get in the twin bed in my room with me...ahhh...good night.

This must stop. So, tonight I put him down drowsy, but awake. He cried for five minutes and then was silent for an hour. Then, crying for about two minutes and then silence. It's been another hour. Do I dare hope this is working? I am prepared to try the method I read about in Happiest Toddler On The Block (hereafter HTOTB), which involves going in his room to let him know I am "still on the planet" but not picking him up, rubbing his back etc...I can just go in, say "I love you, go to sleep" and leave. I can do this every 15-20 minutes. All night if necessary, but I know with Duncan it wouldn't be. Only maybe an hour. An hour of angony.

But, so far, it's not been too bad.

It's been a year and a half since I slept in my own bed all night long.

Step Away From The Highchair and No One Gets Hurt

Eating habits. Where do I start? Duncan eats alot of cheese, pasta, fruit and vegetables (I hate the word "veggies" but I don't know why) but not alot of meat. I've tried it all and he really doesn't like it. Should I worry?

He has started to try to use a spoon and fork and bowl. He seems to be willing to eat almost anything I will put in the bowl. Maybe I should try meat! Hey! Lightbulb moment!

He does not have a sweet tooth, but loves Jello with the passion of a hundred romance novels. He also loves cold cereal when Iain and I are eating it. Grape Nuts? Loves them. Shredded Wheat? Delicious. Chocolate chip cookie? No freaking way.

When chewing, if offered a few bites of something else, instead of swallowing he just opens his mouth and lets the food fall out onto his shirt, or mine, or high chair, or whatever surface is closest and then crams the new food in.

Speaking of cramming, he is like a gerbil. So much can fit into those little cheeks!

Now, how exciting was that?

What they are made of

Oh my God I am tired! Toddlers are very tiring little people. Mine loves to hit the ground running and it is so fun to see him learning new things, and understanding what I say. "Do you want some milk?" provokes him grabbing me around the neck so we can go to the kitchen and get some. "What does a lion say?" brings a very hilarious roar. So. Much. Fun.

And, little boys are not made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails. They are made of dirt and boogers.

I love you Ziggy

Tomorrow would have, should have been your fifth birthday. I don't know if you would have been in kindergarden or not at this point. I look at other five year old boys in amazement and wonder, fantasizing about you and what my life would be like if you had not died. There are not words to describe the depth of our sorrow that you are not here on earth with us, at the dinner table every night.

What kind of boy would you be? Bookish? Outdoorsy? These are just a few of the things of which your dad and I have been robbed. All the potential that lied within that perfect little body. All the hopes, dreams, possibilities for the future that we will never know.

Even though it has been five years, the pain is no less. I can, however, live on a day to day basis almost like any other mom. I love you so very, very much my first son. My Ziggy boy. I feel you with me, and know you are...somewhere.

I love you.
Mom 

Mama's Pumpkin

Took Duncan to a pumkin patch today...just to kick around and we had a great time.

Later on, he called me mama for the first time. My heart broke into a million happy pieces. 

Heavy Heart

My friend (not close, but a friend) found her 3 month-old baby boy in his crib this morning, not breathing. He could not be resuscitated. He died. Her husband had left about an hour earlier to catch a plane to Baton Rouge and he was already in the air by the time she found the baby, dead in his crib. She had checked on him only four hours earlier, and he was fine...

So unbelievably tragic, sad, and terrifying.

More on mother bereavement later. My head hurts, my heart is heavy, and my eyes are puffy from crying.

These feelings are all too familiar and I must be careful. When I first got the news, I was short of breath, had chills and could not focus. It's not me, it's not me again. It's not me again. No, no, no. It's not me. I've already been through my child's death. This is not me.

Not this time.

My friend's name is Amy and her baby boy was Zane Thomas.

Hall Monitor

So, Duncan had a little bout of diarrhea the other day, along with some pretty awful diaper rash (which, gratefully, is rare for him.) In my infinite wisdom, and in the spirit of letting it all air out down there, I let him go diaper free after his bath. He was having fun! Frolicking! Giggling! Such video-worthy cuteness! So, as I was getting the camera ready he squatted...in the hallway. I will spare you the details.

Called husband with a bit of panic in my voice, "um, where are you?" Thankfully, he was in the driveway. Quickly handed off boy (who thankfully had not danced in his mess...although he was doing that little baby stomp dance, his feet miraculously missed the pooh) and went to clean it up.

Ah, glamour!

Life With Duncan

Golf balls...
And butter. 

Another First

First shoes, or as Duncan would call them, first concrete blocks for feet. 

Proof

Evidence of inujry...indentation in window sill left by toddler tooth.


















And, nice recovery. 

Books

Duncan has become a lover of books. We have a constant pile in the living room of The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Who is Sleeping (my favorite...great book), That's Not My Truck, Cuddly Puppies, and Goodnight Moon. He wakes up wanting to sit in a lap and read, and it's the last thing we do at night and often during the day. We are thrilled!

I was aghast the other day when I came home from teaching to find him with my mother, watching Teletubbies. She said, "he loves it!" Egad. It freaks me out. Very creepy show. There will be no Teletubbies from now on. Sesame Street? Maybe.

Bloody Hell

First bloody injury today. Hell. Was walking around, very cute, with big red pillow, making happy funny baby noises when "bam!" crashed into window sill with pillow unfortunately low and inside of lip coming into direct contact with toothy pegs. Had screaming toddler with blood pouring from mouth and mom in new white (albeit Target) shirt. Bloody hell.

Now toddler is chewing on piece of ice in baby safe mesh bag.

Mischief

 

I want another baby. Badly. Husband and I not seeing eye to eye on this. Am hoping when things turn 'round for him in the job market he will do some turning 'round of his own.

More about this later but it is constant preoccupation.

And a big "hello" to any of my UTD students who have stumbled up on this.

Ignore the man lying on the sofa, and the horrible blue ottoman that needs to be reupholstered. The boy is walking! ETA that I have no idea how to publish a movie clip, but trust me, he is walking.

All of the wonderful, snuggly newborn moments were so precious but I think the sight of my boy toddling naked down the hallway is the best moment so far.

It's supposed to be 106 degrees today. And I have a boy who wants to be outside all the time. What's a girl to do?

He has taken 3 or 4 steps on his own, from various hold-on-to-thing to other hold-on-to-thing. He also remembered what his (digital ear) thermometer was for from a few weeks ago. Genius!

I start teaching tomorrow and have mixed emotions. It is only two days a week, and just one class but I still have mixed emotions. When I am with him, I feel like a little break would be so nice. Then I get that little break and I think of nothing but getting back to him. Ahhhh...motherhood.

Why do I think of so many clever things to write about when I am driving or lying in bed?

Sophie's Walk, for Ziggy

Difficult post for me. I've had a heavy heart for about a week, with a few crying jags thrown in for good measure. I realized (well, not realized because it's always right beneath the surface...that pain), no, I remembered that this year would have been Ziggy's 5th birthday which seems somehow more significant to me than the 2nd, 3rd or 4th. Maybe because it's half way to 10, and right after he died I would think, "I need it to be 10 years from now because maybe then I will be able to function."

So, this year, things are hard again. Possible pain-filled posts ahead.

New Things

We are very silly parents. We sit and watch Duncan, and applaud his every attempt at every thing. It is so much fun to be so silly. One thing he has figured out is clapping. I see lots of babies do this much earlier and wondered why! can't! he! clap! But now, he is clapping, mostly because we clap at almost everything he does. Again, bring on the silly.

What's really cute, though, is how he claps. He hits the back of his left hand with the palm of his right. Not quite perfect, but unbelievably cute.

I also think he's trying to say "duck duck" because I sing Old MacDonald to him so much. My husband thinks it's not "duck duck" but "da da". Maybe, but I think it's duck duck.

He took about four steps on Friday. He was rounding the couch, when he thought I was going to chase him, which brings on much delight. He just let go and took off! He was like, "whoa! what am I doing?" and dropped to a crawl.

Let's see, what else can I drone on about regarding my son. I am one of those moms. I have become what I used to fear and loathe. I have mom friends (one even drives a minivan) but none of us wear keds and we all have lots of education and are interesting women. But, we are moms and do discuss sippy cups and diapers and baby sitters alongside the news, books, art and other interesting things. It's awesome. My life is so awesome.

Very Happy Day

http://thenakedovary.typepad.com/the_naked_ovary/

I wish I knew how to do this better on Blogger. TypePad was so much easier.

Magic in the Mundane

Late yesterday afternoon we filled Duncan's blow-up pool and let him splash around in it. It was like...I don't know...baby crack. He loves that pool. Then, I gave him the water hose and wow. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy. And me? It was like Mommy Crack for me. I was sitting in a lawn chair, drinking a Coke Zero (that stuff is awesome) and thinking to myself, "this is one of those moments..." When our first son died, almost five years ago, I was certain that I would never feel joy again. One of the few clear memories I have from those black weeks and months after his death is of me sitting in a chair in my living room, across from my mother, weeping and saying I would never feel joy again. It's such a blackness...the death of your child...there aren't words that are sufficient to describe the pain and the hopelessness. I felt that way for most of the first year after Ziggy died. I thought of moments I would never have with him. Simple day-to-day stuff like having him on my hip as I cooked dinner, or having him next to me on the couch while I watched tv (I remember this very clearly, too, patting the empty space on the couch next to me, crying for him.) So now, when I have these moments with Duncan it is magical for me. Very simple things, like blow up alligator pools and having him on my hip while I cook dinner, and changing dirty diapers, and feeling his little fingers up my nose while I'm rocking him; they are magical for me. I soak up every moment of it and am so grateful for it. I thank God for every single poopy diaper and middle of the night cry. Every single one. 

Pure Joy! 

Stress! But I am going to be so hot!

I met with my new trainer today. I cannot believe her name is Candy, but it is. Candy! A trainer named Candy. Anyway, she and I mapped out a plan for me and I am going to be hot. I've never been hot, so it's very exciting for me.

On a less hot note, Duncan cried the entire time I had him in the childcare center at the gym while I met with Candy. Can't I call her rice cake or something? Ugh.

So, I go to get him and he's being held, a good thing, but has red puffy eyes, snot running down his nose and really gets upset when he sees me. They told me he cried the entire time. I had a feeling it might be bad because he's clung to me like a baby monkey all day today.

What is going on?

Shameless Self-Promotion

I have a confession. I am a Mary Kay consultant. There. I've said it. I offer great discounts, though, because I hate to pressure people!

Here is my website:

http://www.marykay.com/cmichie/default.aspx

I need to learn how to do more fancy things with my blog. Just figured out how to blog photos from Picasa, which rocks. But, I need to learn! More! Learn more things! Bathtime with dad, from last night. 

Have friends here from Canada (everyone get that? friends from Canada...in Texas...in mid-July...k) and we are having such fun wearing out our children! Today we hit the toad fountains and tonight we are taking them for a gut buster of a southern dinner at Babe's. I will give details of dinner tomorrow but there will most likely be banana pudding involved.

I am doing really well with my allowance and have had money left over each week.

My weight loss has plateaued but I start working with a trainer next week so I am ready to kick into a new gear.

I hate to leave you hanging with such exciting news but I have to. There are mysterious noises coming from the kitchen.

The maid came today

And he didn't do a very good job. In fact, he left all of the clean laundry in the middle of the floor, unfolded. After he ate me out of house and home. And if you'll excuse me, I now have to go give him a bath. 

Overall, we had a good weekend. Iain played hockey on Friday night and got home long after I was asleep. On Saturday, he took D to a play area at one of the nicer malls, to meet up with a friend and friend's two year old. Time for me! Hurrah! It is amazing what I can get done in a very short period of time when I am alone. Several loads of laundry, vacuum, dust, pick up clutter, change sheets, shower, blow dry my hair, and get lunch started for family coming over later.

Lunch was very fun, with Iain's dad and his wife, and sister and her husband. We had turkey burgers that totally impress (recipe is estimate...I rarely follow them exactly and this one is hard to mess up):

Gorgonzola-Pecan Turkey Burgers with Cranberry Mustard

1 lb. ground turkey meat

1 container crumbled gorgonzola cheese

1 cup (or so) chopped pecans (or walnuts)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Onion powder to taste (if desired)

Mix all ingredients and grill burgers...indoors or out.

Cranberry Mustard:

Equal parts cranberry sauce (any kind you like...canned/fresh/jellied/with berries) and dijon mustard (in a pinch I've used regular ball park mustard and it's been fine) and 1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes (or more, depending on how hot you like it) and set aside while burgers cook. Spead on cooked burgers with whatever other condiments you like, but I stick to just lettuce and tomato with these since there are so many flavors going on already.

Company stayed until about six, when it was time for bath and bedtime routine.

On Sunday, we did not go to church because Iain has the terrible cold that I thought was killing me last week. Instead, I packed up Duncan and took him to the Dallas Arboretum for a stroll and a romp in the toad fountains. It was really hot but fun. He was a little freaked out by the giant toads but also strangely fascinated. His new thing is handing you, or pretending to hand to you, whatever he's got and then psyching you out by taking it back.

Things that Rock. By Duncan.

1. Pulling every thing out of whatever containment unit they are in. This also applies to tissues;
2. String cheese, graham crackers and baby goldfish crackers. Note that my mom also thinks the baby goldfish rock;
3. Real keys;
4. My outdoor swing;
5. Walking behind a toy meant for that purpose, or walking behind a dining room chair. Doesn't matter.
6. Rolling around on the sofa, a comforter on the floor, or a pile of pillows.
7. Mom and Dad's bedroom, bathroom and generally anything of theirs that is really off limits.
8. All of my teeth.
9. Peekaboo
10. Bath time, especially standing in the bathtub and freaking out my mom.

Things That Don't Rock:

1. Having my toenails or fingernails trimmed. What are you doing to me?
2. Walking past the back door without going outside to see the dog next door.
3. Mom leaving.
4. Dad leaving.
5. Pushing my new toy and walking behind it, only to get stuck and be unable to move. This is a biggie.
6. Having my faced wiped! Hatred!

Oh my. Duncan is learning to walk, and at this point, can really only do it while walking behind something like this. He loves it. Very much. I think we did over twenty laps around the living/dining/kitchen space last night before stopping, and then it was met with much displeasure. Right now we are also experiencing displeasure! He is very, very tired but wanted to walk...could not decide what would win out. He'd push/walk...stop...cry with head on floor...get up...push/walk/cry/laugh. I finally took him and put him in his bed but no longer laughing. Just the crying part. I hate doing that. This is the first time he's really protested a nap because he did not want to be pulled away from something. But, I'm the mom, right? I know he's tired and must nap so I'm being Nap Enforcer. It's awful and I hate it. I don't know how long he'll go, but it's only been one minute at this point.

But, the walking/pushing thing? Totally cute.

Okay, those of you with kids who are older, bear with me. But, how freaking adorable is it when babies learn to really play peek-a-boo? Or, as we call it, Where's Duncan? When they will take anything...newspaper in our case...and pull it over their face and wait for you to engage? He first did it in the drapes, and now does it with almost anything and it's the cutest thing...evah.

The money thing is going quite well, but no real fascinating updates there. It is a challenge, but if I've got specific goals in mind, I usually do quite well (see weight loss.)

It's Independence Day here in the states and we are off to a good start. Duncan usually ends up in bed with us, which means at least he and I are up by 6:30. Today, Iain got up with us. I fed Duncan - one frozen waffle and some milk - then we read the paper and had coffee while Duncan roamed around, being mischeivous but safe. We have a small house, and one open living/dining/kitchen area, most of which is pretty well baby proofed so it's fairly easy to do some things while knowing exactly where he is and what he's doing.

Later today we'll go to my mom's and sister's, drop him off, then go see a movie and go back to their house for swimming and 4th of July festivities before bringing home an exhausted one year old. Should be a fun day! Here's a picture from LAST 4th of July. I'll try to take one today in the same place. I'm not this fat anymore!

Duncan has seven teeth. Well, six and a half, with more on the way. He loves his teeth. So much that he has started biting me. Are they love bites? Why does he do this?

So, today we are going to visit a good friend of mine and her 9 month old daughter for a swim. The swimming lessons we took? I'm not sure what he learned. He does hold his breath when he goes under but really, how often is he going under? And if he does, I don't know that just holding his breath will do any good. Doesn't he need to know how to, oh, I don't know...swim? It was fun for me, though, and got us out of the house every morning.

I've lost a total of 16 pounds but am struggling a bit to get over a hump. I'd like to lose 3 more in the next two weeks, and then another 7 by August 28th, which will be my mother's 80th birthday party with lots of family and old friends. That will put me at a comfortable weight where I am not totally self-conscious. I'll still be a good 20 pounds or so from my goal, but wont feel huge and slovenly. And, I have plenty of clothes to wear at that size! That was my post-weight watchers weight four years ago and it was a pretty good one for me. Another 20 pounds after that? I'll be totally hot. I have started going back to the gym, which is great. I can leave Duncan in the child care a/k/a "Kids Activity Center" and he seems to do okay. I've left him twice and he only got upset one time, briefly, when another mom who was not me, came to pick up her kiddo. The ladies and girls are very nice and seem to be quite fond of him.

I'm keeping details a bit under wraps for now, but am planning to start my own business soon. I'm totally excited about it and think it's very unique and cool.

The money thing is much better. I only spend cash, my allowance, when I am buying something non-essential/for myself. It's funny how when it's cold cash in my wallet I'm much more reluctant to spend it. I'm a bit of a hoarder now.

Iain still needs a new job. Desperately.

It is easier to blog, when you blog on a more consistent basis. That way, there are not a million thoughts going through your head like, "that would be a great blog topic." Like I am experiencing. Right now.

For those of you playing along, I will start with the present and try to work backwards.

We are taking swimming lessons this week. While very fun for me, and seemingly fun for Duncan; I do question how much he will really learn. But, we are "learning" some breath control, and at least I am learning some things I can continue to do with him in my sister's and mom's pool. And, I get to socialize with two of my newest friends from my moms' group so it's really lots of fun. And the pool is beautiful.

As big, provacative thoughts go, I am really starting to finally feel like a mom. It has taken me a year, I think, for the shock to wear off and to get used to my new life. When I read Mother Shock http://www.mothershock.com/ I had some idea it would take this long, but it really didn't sink it. But it did. It took a year. And I'm still a little freaked out. And very tired. And watching my kid eat part of dead moth....must go...be back later.

Well, let's get the money thing over with first, shall we? I am really not doing so badly but find it hard to be as meticulous as I'd like. Hey, I have a one-year old!

Today I went to the Dollar Store (note to those of you with any disposable income, this is a store where everything is a dollar!) and got some favors and paper goods. Got out for $15.

Then, went to the grocery store for whole milk, cream and butter (hello, Julia!) for ice cream and frosting for cake. Spent $16 (I had a coupon for two gallons of milk for $1.99 each, which is an awesome deal but who knew cream was so f*cking expensive?).

I did not go to local coffee place for triple iced latte, but wanted to really, really badly. See! I have restraint.

More Toothiness

We now have five teeth.

Not spending money is hard! I am thinking I'm going to have to implement a few strategies. One thing I need to do is keep all receipts in a place that I can make sure I record my spending. Another is to print off a weekly report from Microsoft Money to review. I respond well to goal setting and charts, lists and stuff (a strategy I also implement to lose weight) because I think it makes it very visual for me.

I did not spend much money over the weekend, but we were in Austin for Iain's MBA graduation so it is a bit tricky to really gauge. Back to normal this week. I do have D's birthday party on Sunday and am really trying to spend as little as possible (for instance, passing on the personalized, light blue M&M's...so cool!) while having a really nice party. I am a hostess at heart and it's easy to overspend in this arena. I am going to try to get some nice flowers to plant in the yard, inexpensive favors, stick to cake and ice-cream (both from scratch) and not freak out that I am not having the back yard professionally landscaped by Sunday.

Because, really, doesn't this kid deserve an awesome party?

Okay, spent a few dollars today. I had gotten ten dollars back at the grocery store, as an instant rebate of sorts. I bought myself a coffee with some of it. I also had to buy formula and diapers, but found a good deal on them so I stocked up and spent about $100 total. But, had to have them and now wont have to buy them for weeks!

The Boy went to sleep at 5:45! Oh shit. He did not have an afternoon nap (we were at Granny's and Aunt B's and he was excited) so he was too tired and could not stay awake. My night will suck. And it's the season finale of Lost.

From January 25

First I felt it. No, first I suspected it. Then I felt it. Then I saw a glimpse of it, tonight while putting on jammies (by the way, love bug, why oh why do you hate putting on your jammies so? ). A tooth! Down in front, as is the norm. I've been expecting it, because of the river of drool and such but tonight, January 22nd, it was confirmed. Your first tooth! Still barely visible to the naked eye, but oh my little banana-breath baby, I saw it. *snif* And Happy 18th birthday cousin James!

From January 21

So, last night, for the first time I noticed Duncan experience some anxiety when he left my arms and went to those of someone who is a dear friend to me, but a stranger to him. I had mixed emotions. No one wants to see their baby experiencing anxiety, but to see him want me like that made me feel all warm and gooey. I see him want me daily; to pick him up or feed him…basic need type stuff…but this was different. It’s supposed to be a healthy sign and show that he is truly attached to me but it was more than that to me. It was the first indication that we have a unique relationship. That I am different to him than almost anyone else, if not anyone else. I am mom.

Another From January 19

I am going to love being an old lady. I put on my nightgown and robe at 7:00 tonight, just after I got Duncan to bed. Then I had a bowl of cereal.

7:02 a.m. No money spent so far today! I did check the account and it seems just fine. I am a bit paranoid now. I am supposed to get a new vent hood for M.Day. Can I buy it? Must check with husband.

Will post another old post from old blog while boy grunts very hard into his diaper. Then must change boy!

So very tired. Still have not spent any money that was not necessary. Did go to grocery and pick up dry cleaning. I almost got a frozen yogurt, but did not. Yay for me!

Had rocking good Mother's Day. Slept until 8:00! Husband went for lattes while baby slept and I read Sunday NY Times. Then, to Home Depot in hopes of a new range hood. Got wonderful card and tulips.

Love Mother's Day! Cannot wait for next one.

So tired. Babykins not sleeping much past 5:30. Am also missing season finale of Grey's Anatomy due to stupid basketball game.

From January 19, 2006

This morning, after waking at 6:30 with Duncan (an exceptionally happy child in the morning, which really is a good compromise since it is so freaking early after you’ve been awake at 1:00 am and again at 4:30 am), playing for a bit, eating, changing poopy diapers, then putting him in his crib where he happily blows raspberries and plays with his feet until he falls asleep by about 8:30, I put on my jeans. And they felt loose. Can I just say how happy this makes me? Now, they are not falling off me loose, but they are not as yes-I-can-wear-these-even-if-it-hurts tight that they were at Thanksgiving. Small victories sometimes are the best. This changes my entire outlook on the day. Really. Because yesterday I got so frustrated when I stepped on the scale but today it’s a whole new day. It’s a loose jeans kind of day, even if those jeans are 3 or 4 sizes from where I want to be…
Other things of note:
Duncan, at 7 and a half months is sitting by himself for longer and longer periods of time and with less and less support. This gives me conflicting emotions. Happy that my boy is getting strong and growing and that he doesn’t have to lie like a stranded turtle on the floor but sad because my sweet, tiny baby is turning into a more independent little boy. Sniff.
Did I mention the part about my jeans?
Husband Iain has only four more months to finish his MBA. This is VVG. Now we pray for big, important job. Time to go back to church.
Adult acne has come to roost. Why?
This weekend is triple coupons up to and including 75¢. The fact that this thrills me also frightens me.
I have a meeting next week at the university where I worked for six years before having
Duncan, about teaching a class in the fall. Can I lose ten pounds by Tuesday? What about really good undergarments?
Am also secretly thrilled that American Idol is back. It is my guilty pleasure.

From January 14, 2006

Today I am off to my second belly dancing class and am looking forward to it, which is unusual for me. My normal pattern is to be excited about an exercise class where I will have to be in front of other people something, and then the closer I get to it, the more I start to chicken out and rationalize not going. Not this time, America! I will shimmy and I will have fun.
It is hard for me to leave my boy, though. It doesn't matter that he is in the best of care with his dad, it's just hard for me to leave him. It is still a little inexpclicable to me but I think I know where a great deal of it stems from (from where a great deal of it stems?) More about That later.
Duncan is now seven months old and is really becoming his own person. He is rolling over, in one direction only (to his left) and only from back to tummy. Once on his tummy, he really doesn't know what to do with himself although occasionally will have a good time for a few minutes. He eats some solid food, mostly rice cereal with bananas in it, baby food pears, squash, peas and sweet potatoes. He doesn't seem to like apples or peaches at all and makes a "WTF" face when fed them. We even tried some of my mom's black-eyed peas on New Year's Day and got the same, WTF face, along with mushed up black eyed peas mixed with saliva on the table in front of him. He's really cute! But, as someone I once knew said to me, wont it be great when he's big enough that we can say "honey, go get yourself a banana". Yes, it will! But, I do love his babyness and don't want to wish it away.
My husband is on his last semester towards his MBA from the University of Texas at Austin (hook 'em). Hallelujah! For the last year and a half, he's been gone every other weekend and many nights to study groups, as well as having to go to Thailand two days after Duncan was born for an international trip/class. He's loved it, but I think we are both ready to see it end. But, today, he is watching Duncan while I go shimmy my little heart out.

From January 9, 2006

I am going to copy old posts, from my other blog and put them here...just to preserve them. I'll do them in chrono order, starting with this one and will always indicate it is an "old" post in the title.

The boy is asleep; I’ve reheated my tea…twice…and now am going to try to get a post done. He’s teething, so sleep is sketchy these days but I’ll see how quickly I can do this.
I had my first belly dancing class on Saturday and it was hard as shit much more fun than I expected. I do think I had more belly than anyone, well, almost anyone, but I still felt very comfortable and that I was among peers. I even got singled out by the teacher for doing very good hip circles! They were the wrong kind, but they were very good. Yay me! We shimmied and circled everything from our heads to our hips, and I think I may have actually burned some calories. I am looking forward to this Saturday. By the end of our four weeks we are supposed to know a 2-minute dance. When I told my dear friend Wendy this fact, she told me she can’t wait to get me drunk. As long as I can wear one of those cool scarves with the tiny coins all over it I may not even need to be drunk to do my dance!
The boy turned seven months yesterday and is such fun. He’s trying to sit on his own, but topples easily. He puts everything in his mouth, and really loves to drink from a glass. He laughs when I pinch my forefinger and thumb together, perhaps at me…perhaps with me. Who knows for sure? He’s a dream and getting to be so much fun. I still, though, don’t like to drag him everywhere I go. I’m just not one of those moms. Maybe it’s lack of confidence or over protectiveness but I don’t see the benefit of taking him everywhere at this age. It’s not fun for me, and I don’t think its fun for him. We do go places, because I know he needs to get out and see things and experience his world, but I think I know his limits and try to respect them.
Want a good book? Read The Big Rumpus by Ayun Halliday. Soon I’ll learn how to do those cool “what I’m reading” lists…

Day 2.

It's 11:24 a.m. and have not spent any money! I have, however, been up since 5:30 (after waking at 10:30, 12:30, 3:00 and 4:30), fed the baby (twice), rocked him, changed his diaper(three times), changed his clothes, swung him outside, cleaned windowsills, cleaned windows, disassembled the baby swing (indoor), put blind cord thingies on the blind cords so he wont strangle himself, done two loads of laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, played!, kissed boo-boos and gone to the bathroom.

Well, it's been a while. I had my blog somewhere else and am going to try to figure out how to move old posts but am not sure I'll be able to.

But, to stay current for a moment, I am about to embark on another adventure. Not weight loss (although I'll catch you up on that, later) but money. You see, I had a real Lucy moment yesterday. Long story short, I messed up...big time. I neglected our checking account and got my husband and myself into a real bind. All my fault. So, we had a little "Lucy and Ricky" meeting last night and I am now on a budget, with an allowance.

Don't panic my friends! The allowance was my idea. My husband is not the dictator you are thinking he must be. I think I need some structure, since I gave up my own income a year ago to stay home and raise our boy. I'm feeling kind of hungover from yesterday (lots of crying, guilt among the whole raising a human being thing) and am quite pooped but will get started on my blogging of this today.

First of all, I need to spend less. So, my struggle with that will be put to written word. I think I'll do okay, but must get out of the habit of nickel and diming us to death. A coffee here, a magazine there, a six-dollar t-shirt, etc... You get the picture. It does add up. So, I am on a no-spending binge. What would you call that? Can there be a binge if it is a lack of something? I am not sure.

I need to find things to do that don't cost money, and I know they are plenty. It is spring and about to be summer and the boy and I need some free things to do.

I also will keep you updated on how I do with the allowance thing. Right now I'm giving some thought as to how much I really need. More later.

10 pounds lighter!

So, a new year...again. 40th time, actually, for me. I have the best of intentions, but what good are intentions anyway? I have started off the day well, with black coffee and a nice hearty bowl of my whole grain cereal. Let's hope I can ignore, if not toss, the two pieces of my sister-in-laws shortbread.

In my 41st year (it's my 41st, right? If I'm 40? I always get that mixed up, but believe it is actually my 41st year on the planet) I intend to do many good things, one of which is get back down to my wedding weight of 134 pounds. Boy! I thought I was so heavy at 134. Foolish, foolish girl. Size 8. 134. I can only hope.

I will start by taking a beginning belly dance class for the next four Saturdays. Much fodder for hilarity in my upcoming posts, I am sure. I also want to use a personal trainer but am reluctant to take The Boy to the gym and put him in the "Kids Activity Center" (a/k/a KAC) because of germs and other unsightly things. He's never been in any kind of "center" before and yes, I'm turning into one of those moms. I know he'd be fine but after what my husband and I have endured in trying to become parents of a living, breathing child, I am a bit overprotective. More about That (with a capital "T") later.

So, in my constant and unfading naiveté, or possibly just guilelessness, I’ll share with the entire world my victory over baby weight, new motherhood, and the transition from being in the hoity toity world of higher education to being at at-home mom.


Happy New Year.