Toto, we're not at Elizabeth Arden Anymore

Today I went to King Spa with a gift certificate that Iain got me for my birthday. I will preface this post by saying there was alot of naked nakedness. If you think, "I wonder if she was naked during that", chances are I was. Am I'm okay with that. Not that any of you sit around wondering about my nakedness, but I think it's pertitent to the story. And then we shall never speak of it again.


I started out my morning with a great new haircut. You know how it always looks extra good when your stylist blows it out? Yeah, that lasted about an hour and a half. After my hair cut I went straight to the spa. I drove under the giraffe gate (there are three giant giraffes on top of the gate that you drive through to get there), parked my minivan and walked in. Very clean, very pretty. Very friendly staff. They gave me a key on a wrist thingie, told me to take off my shoes, grab a pair of pink shorts and tee shirt and go to the ladies' locker room. Once in there, another very nice lady showed me my locker for my shoes and another bigger locker for my clothes. She then brought me a large towel, and told me they are free the first time but after today would cost me $2. I did not see anyone else with a big towel. Most of the ladies in there were Korean, but there was a group of women that I guessed were mommy friends having a day to themselves, all in their pink shorts and tee shirts, leaving the wet area as I was arriving. As soon as I was "ready" I was told to go into the wet sauna area and to shower before I did anything else. I walked through two large frosted glass doors into a very large room that had at least 30 showers, all with soap and shampoo, three large hot tubs of varying degrees, a cold pool, a more traditional wet sauna, and a row of pink massage tables behind some frost glass partitions with images of Homer and Marge Simpson on them. I kid you not. At this point, many thoughts are going through my head but mostly, "go with it." So I did. I got into the least hot of the hot tubs and was the only one in there. It was not very crowded and most of the ladies kept to themselves doing whatever.



I had about 45 minutes until my body scrub and massage so I soaked for a bit longer then put on my pink outfit and left the safety of the ladies locker room and explored the common areas. There was a place to eat, and many rooms that were different saunas with different types of walls (amethyst, gold, other minerals, salt, etc...) Really interesting. I sat and read my Living Oprah book until it was time for my body scrub. My great friend Marjorie has gone to King Spa before. She is half Korean, and has gone with her mom for these body scrubs so I had some idea of what was coming. I got on one of the pink tables behind the Simpson wall, while an older Korean lady in leopard underwear (seriously) started scrubbing my skin with these mitts made of some kind of silk which felt like sandpaper. It didn't hurt...and actually felt really good. Every once in a while she would douse me with a bucket of hot water, to wash off the dead skin that was quickly accumulating on the table. I only opened my eyes every once in a while, for many reasons, but when I did was immediately sorry because I would catch a glimpse of what she was sloughing off. This body scrub is not for the modest. I've never had anything waxed, but I imagine it's a similar experience. And that's all we'll say about that.



The scrub lasted about thirty minutes. I was then told to shower and given some Olay body wash to use. Leopard Mama cleaned the table and got it ready for my Korean massage. Marjorie told me she thought they would go easy on my since I am a blonde haired white chick, but I'm not so sure. She pounded on me like a piece of chicken. Or cube steak. At one point, I thought, "is she mad at me? Did I not use the Olay wash correctly?" Then, while I was lying on my stomach, I realized she had climbed up on the table and was standing on the soles of my feet. Kind of jumping, kind of stomping. I also should add that all of the pounding and kneading was done with hot towels. She would put a hot towel on my back, and pound/knead my back. Same for arms, legs, etc..

This lasted an hour and I have to tell you, when it was all over it was amazing. I don't know if I've ever felt that relaxed. I showered, got dressed, got my shoes, turned in my key and drove off, basking in the glow of my King Spa experience. If you have an adventurous side, I would highly suggest it!