Here is said rock. It's about two feet long, and 18 inches tall. Very pointy. Very evil. Someone right in front of me swerved to miss it, and I had no choice other than to swerve myself into the big SUV right next to me. Thus, I hit the rock. Iain did finally get a ride to come get us, so I put Duncan in the stoller and took him to the closest place to eat, a smoky sports bar, while Iain put on the spare. Have you ever pushed a toddler in a stroller into a sports bar? You get some very strange looks.

Weepiness

Today we took Duncan to the Adolphus Childrens Christmas Parade in downtown Dallas. It was so great. We went with friends from church, and their kids who are Duncan's friends and allies. The weather was chilly and cloudy, just as it should be. We saw Thomas the Tank Engine, Bob the Builder, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Curious George, Arthur...really, it could not have been better. Only if Caillou was there would it have been perfect. But really, could they do a parade float Caillou, and do it well? I think not.

I have a picture of Duncan on Iain's shoulders, watching the parade and it just makes me weepy. Why do we parents get all weepy when our children experience pure joy? What is that? I am just starting to really experience it, now that he is turning into a real person. It was such an overwhelming feeling for me. To see my living, breathing child experiencing such happiness.

After the parade we took him to my mom's and sister's where he gets to do just about as he pleases. My sister made him some hot chocolate, and they shared it on the hearth. Iain and I left him there, to come home for about twelve hours of "just us" while Duncan has a ball with Granny and Aunt Becky. I got this pic from my mom about an hour ago, that he had more hot chocolate before bed. Sometimes I still can't believe he's ours. Thank you God, for this child.

It has been a crazy week. Monday morning, Iain's car would not start (my old Infiniti) so he took my car and left me home all day with a two and a half year old boy and no car. We survived! He decided to fix it himself (breathing deeply) and I did not protest. We need the money. So, on Wednesday late afternoon I was on my way to pick him up at work when I hit a huge rock in the road and shredded my tire, and bent my wheel. Pictures of said rock will be shown. It was not my fault! But I was in tears. Iain had no car and could not get to us, it was getting dark, Duncan was getting hungry (and crabby) and it was my pretty new car! All was okay in the end, but it was a stressful week. $640 later, the Camry is fixed. Iain has also managed to get the Infiniti running all by himself. Duncan had a great day. I am grateful.

Born. Lived. Died.

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.

It's come around again, like it does every year. I know it will never stop, and remember very clearly when Ziggy died that I dreaded that every year for the rest of my life I would have to experience these three days.

This year was harder than last, for some reason. I felt overwhelmed with my sadness and despair. Maybe I felt the same way last year, and it has just softened with time. I do allow myself to feel it, though, and really focus on what we would be doing if he had not died, what he might be looked like, how his voice would have sounded, what kind of sneakers he would want, what his Halloween costume might be like. It's excruciatingly painful, but purges my soul of some built up pain and seems to help me fact October 13th.

It also, very very strangely, weirdly and I believe not at all coincidentally, Ziggy's birthday is the day I got pregnant with Duncan. And yes, I know this for certain! Advantage infertility treatment.

The weather is finally clear and beautiful here, which is nice. The State Fair is going on and Iain and I simply cannot wait to bring Duncan. We are also totally psyched about Halloween and most of all, Christmas. We are rediculously excited and silly about all of it and are going to put our tree up the day after Thanksgiving! Lots of lights! Maybe even fake snow on windows! No, no fake snow on windows. Mommy hates cleaning.

Anyway, there's the very very bad and the very very good.

Never again

I will never get him in this again. Probably fine, since it's usually way too hot in Texas on Halloween for this sort of costume but...Oh. My. It was funny.

Bedtime antics

Well, we've started trying the big boy bed thing. I started with naps, in the daytime. It's a twin, pushed against a wall, with a bed rail. He loves it, at least the idea of it. So, I started with naps a few weeks ago and everything went just fine. Until last week. He's never gotten out during a nap, but a few nights ago, at 3:00 a.m., a little boy in footie jammies padded into my bedroom carrying his copy of Emily's New Coaches asking, "Daddy read it." It startled me, and I realized how grateful I was that nothing was going on, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

So, I scooped him up and put him in his crib. Sleep tight, little prisoner!

Tonight, he had terrible hiccups when we put him to bed, in the twin bed. It wasn't long before we heard the hiccups getting louder, and the door open, and a little voice calling, "Chri-is!" He obviously has heard Iain call me Chris, but I don't think he's made the connection that I actually have a name, and that it's Chris/tie. By the time I got to his room he had crawled back into the bed and was asking me where the tractor book was.

So funny. Really fun stuff! So banal, so ordinary. So everyperson. I love it.

Wanted - Emails from long lost TLOL buddies

Email me at

iain_christie@sbcglobal.net

And, back to life...

To the two wonderful gals from my long-ago life who commented on my post, thank you. I would have responded to each of you but either Blogger doesn't give me your email or I don't know how to find it through you posting. Email me!

It's Labor Day night, and I'm logged on my computer working my new Live Ops gig (see http://www.liveops.com ), hoping to get calls. It's interesting, and possibly fun. I'll let you know later.

We got a new car last week, finally. Iains' Saab finally gave up the ghost so he went and leased me a new Camry. We are sedan people. No SUV's or minivans. Sedans. Boring, ho-hum, but that's who we are. I do love the car. But in the end, it's just a car and I don't get very emotional about them so there you go.

What else?

Iain is still looking for a new job. I am completely baffled at how difficult his job search is. I am tempted to post his resume on my blog, in hopes that someone will stumble across it and offer him a job. When he got that darn MBA from The University of Texas at Austin (helllooooo...top rated program career office people??) we really thought it would put us in a better position, rather than a worse one. Now we have to pay back these enormous loans and have nothing to show for them. Well, nothing in our bank accounts.

We really want to have another baby, but for that to happen he's got to get a new job. Fast.

Everything else is pretty great. Duncan keeps us laughing, like when he's lying in bed with us and all of a sudden says, "I farted!"

Would have, should have

Ziggy would have and should have started kindergarten today.

I have so many friends with children doing just that and am startled by this experience. It hit me today, seeing their pictures and videos of "drop off" that I, too, should be among them leaving my almost six-year old son at his first day of school. I am feeling so very, very sad today.

Summer /07

I would say it's hot as hell now, but I'm a Baptist so I shouldn't. But it is! Duncan is getting haircuts, and hating them, going to shady playgrounds, and sweating like he's at Dallas Cowboys Training Camp (dang it's hot) and just having lots of fun like two year old boys should. Our life has many things that are stressful, and difficult, but when we are with him it just isn't so bad. Sounds corny, I know. But it's true. Iain still needs a new job. Bad. Badder than bad. Money is scarce, and we need a new car, new dishwasher, new oven and want to have another baby. Oh yes. We really do. But that means money and travel and doctors. So, now that we are Baptists we are praying for that to happen.


I should not make light of being Baptist (Cooperative, by the way, not Southern). It has changed my life in many ways that hopefully one day I'll have the energy to blog about.


In the meantime, any of your out there who pray, please pray that Iain gets a new job very soon so we can try for another baby.


In the meantime, enjoy.

Friends Came Over

Well, what have we here? A toddler bounce house in my living room. And I have a very small living room. We had playgroup at my house today. 13 kids total (the older ones are out of school for the summer, so it gets wild), 8 of them toddlers. Mine is the one in the bounce house looking like he just found an old goldfish cracker to eat. He woke up from his nap and the first words were, "Friends came over. Mommy blew up the bounce house." I can guarantee it's what he'll be talking about when he wakes up in the morning.

Big Penis! Really big!

Okay, so you can guess what this is about, right? In the past couple of days, while in the bath or having his diaper changed, Duncan will exclaim, "big penis! really big!" in the way only a two year old boy can. With purity, and hilarity. He does talk about other things being really big, like tractors, and the muffler man at the muffler place on I75. But this? Particularly funny.

We wont talk about the rain because, really, don't the people on the news do that quite enough? But it needs to stop. Really. This is Texas. In July.

Hey, we are Baptists now! We got baptized into the faith last Sunday at our church and are really thrilled with everything that means. I would talk more about it, but I've had a pretty strong Tom Collins and it just seems wrong.

I will post tomorrow, hopefully, about all of the rain on our parade.

Hambungah with cheese

So, two years ago today I was at the hospital, probably in my room with a gown on, being monitored like crazy and blessedly medicated by the wonderful anesthetist whom I shall never forget. The epidural was a woozy, but did the trick. Anyone who tells you it doesn't hurt being put in is a liar. I wish I could remember more vividly but once those meds kick in things get blurry. I do recall being in the delivery room, with Iain, and all the doctors and nurses. My anesthesiologist asked me how I was and I told him I was nervous, and about Ziggy and all that had happened. He said, "let's take the edge off" and he did. Then I remember my doctor walked in, and that she had on very large hoop earrings and thinking how odd that was. It seems like an unbelievably short time before she told me they were almost through and pulled Duncan out of me, and held his screaming little face up above the drape. Wow! Iain then left my side to go be with Duncan and then things start to get really blurry. I remember being in the recovery room with the biggest high ever. And not from the drugs. People kept coming in and telling me about him and where he was and what was going on with him all the time. I'd relive it over and over again if I could. It is the best memory of my life.

So now, today, two years later, I have this amazing boy who in the car I was telling that we would go to McDonald's as a treat to get lunch and bring it home (he'd been at Vacation Bible School all moring). He said, "hambungah!" and I told him I thought today we'd get cheesebugers. He replied, "hambungah....with cheese!"

He's now sound asleep and I am going to dig out the birth video to try and relive it as best I can.

The good and the bad

The good? The lemon chess pie I made.

4 eggs
2 c. sugar
1/2 c. fresh lemon juice
1/2 c. melted butter
1 tsp. cornmeal
1 tsp. flour
1/8 tsp. salt
1 9" unbaked pie shell

Beat eggs thoroughly. Gradually add sugar. Add remaining ingredients, beating well (and hope your hand mixer doesn't break half way through). Pour into pie shell. Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes or until brown. Do not overbake. Do not eat entire pie in one sitting.

The bad? My haircut. I cut it all off. And I hate it. It was long. Very long. So I cut it. And now it's very short and I hate it!

Mother's Day makes daddy very, very tired.

The June Cleaver Experiment

I’m probably really going to freak some people out with this one, but it’s something I’ve been leaning towards and am ready to fully embrace. I even bought Martha Stewarts home keeping book, and love it. A sign?

As I stood at my kitchen window, washing breakfast dishes, planning dinner and getting the ingredients together for a home made chocolate pie, I realized something. I like the traditional role I have assumed when we decided I would stay home with Duncan. I am a good stayer at homer. I am much better at this than I was an academic advisor and certainly than being a paralegal. So, if I am so good at this, and find it so fulfilling, I believe I should embrace it to the fullest. I even have on an apron, albeit an Alton Brown apron.

So, today was great (it is now 8:36 p.m. cst). I had a really good time with Duncan (can I tell you how often I said, “we don’t eat caterpillars!”), made that darn pie (which was a disaster, will post recipe later…perhaps someone can decipher what I did wrong), washed dishes, did laundry, cleaned the master bath (if you can call it that, it’s tiny), made the bed, even organized Iain’s sock drawer. None of that is too strange, but I did it with a different, better attitude. Hard to find the words, but I will.

Flame away.

Mo minutes

I guess I've said, "just a few more minutes!" more often than I realized. We had a really warm day recently, so I gave in and let him play with (and suck on) the water hose. He would do this for hours if I let him, and if the City of Dallas would not come after us since we are under watering restrictions. When I told him I was going to turn off the water, he said very calmly, "mo minutes." I finally got him inside under promise of a hot dog. He has also discovered ketchup, tater tots, ice cream sandwiches ("nummy good!") and iced lattes. I caught him sipping on mine at the park today, through a straw, and he looked at him and said, "nummmy!" Yes, baby, mommy thinks so too.

Very Good Friday

Iain has been off work since Tuesday, and we've had so much fun as a family doing very mundane things. To us, though, they are quite magical. I know I sometimes go on and on about it, but when you have been where we have been, laying down sod while your toddler plays with the water hose or eats bugs can be the best day of your life.

Speaking of bugs, he is quite taken with them. And lizards. And, did you know that snot mixed with sand becomes very much like cement? Yes, indeed it does. Duncan's vocabulary seems to expand daily and we get a kick out of his words. Some are clear as a bell and some need a bit of interpretation. Anything in Iain's or my drinking glass is "nummy good", but so is pancake syrup. He loves to hug, and will walk up to one of us and say "hug!" then wrap his arms around our neck. Heaven.

We are to have a very chilly Easter after a string of 80-degree days. Yuck! We've been on three Easter egg hunts and he doesn't seem to care too much, but it's for me.

Iain is still looking for another job. I don't know how long this can last. Something has to come around, but I feel like I've been saying that for a year and a half.

I'm still trying to get more organized. And blog more often.

Texas Bluebonnets

They are really beautiful this year. We went to my Aunt Clo Jean's today, where she has a large field full of them. I was offered a 5x7 last year, by a woman who I knew briefly when pregnant with Ziggy, for only $125. Could you detect the sarcasm? Because if you couldn't, I want to be clear that I intended you to. Yes, $125 for one 5x7 picture of my kiddo in a field of wild flowers. I politely declined, and she said she'd do it for free just to see me. Very nice, but still..you gotta be kidding me. And I'll tell you something, it was no better than one of mine below. I have a new profession! Line 'em up. We're going to take pictures, folks.

Duncan has fully recovered from his stomach virus. It may take him a while, however, to recover from this morning's play date! Too much fun was had.

Did you ever have one of those days??

First, I need to backtrack a bit. Tuesday night at 9:00, I had just sat down on my chaise lounge that is the perfect reading spot, and opened up my nine hundred and something page book (thank you, Diana Gabaldon) when we heard a strange cough, then a shriek from Duncan's room. I went in and found him covered in vomit. It was on the crib, floor, rug, him. Poor baby was scared and crying (it's our virgin vomiting episode.) I picked him up, and he vomited again, all down my back and in my hair. Then again, down my front. Iain is with me, by this point, and we are freaking but not too much, so that we can get a plan in action. I take the boy, lay him on our bed and get his vomit soaked jammies off, then take my vomit soaked clothes off. Those of you who have pulled a previously sleeping, then vomiting toddler out of a bed know the looks we were getting from that face. I got on my robe then scooped him up where he collapsed in my arms, head on my shoulder, crying, just really wanting to be held. He vomited again on our rug. Nice. At least he missed the bed.

Meanwhile, Iain is scrubbing, changing crib sheets, starting the laundry and spraying Lysol. We get his crib clean, get him in clean jammies and get him back to bed. I go to bed on the twin bed in his room and end up with him in that bed with me, with neither of us getting any sleep all night because he has dry heaves.

Wednesday, he vomited at 8:00 a.m. and then not again all day. He was listless, cranky, and very sleepy. We spent almost the entire day on the couch, drifting in and out of sleep (me mostly out...) I had no coffee, almost no food, did not brush my teeth nor wash the vomit out of my hair. I brushed it out, and pulled it into a pony tail. Attractive!

By Wednesday night the diarrhea started, but it was not too terribly out of control. He had his bath and thankfully did not have any accidents in the tub. Need I elaborate? I think not. He stayed clean and slept all night. No diarrhea this morning! No fever! No vomiting!

Off to Mother's Day Out he went. He seemed fine, and they did not call me.

I got my blessed five hours to de-vomit the house and myself. I showered, and even blow-dried my hair which I rarely get to do. Take note of this. It will be important later.

I picked him up at 2:30 this afternoon and we were off to Target. Just as we got to the door, and I was about to put him in a cart he got a funny look on his face and vomited. All over me. And my freshly blow dried hair. Now, if you've never driven soaked in toddler vomit, you aren't missing much. I'm sure since it was my own toddler's vomit, I was not too grossed out. But still, it was upleasant and I was really pissed about my hair.

We got home, and I changed us both and he seemed to feel better. We sat and read books, went outside for a bit and blew bubbles. I could tell he was not his usual vibrant self, but he seemed okay. Until we came inside. I was holding him, when he got that same look and it happened again but this time I was ready and we leaned over the kitchen sink. After that, he curled up in my lap and fell sound asleep...worn out. Poor baby. We sat there for about 45 minutes, until Iain came home. Got him in jammies and rocked back to sleep.

Did I mention my freaking dishwasher still doesn't work? And I'm about to start my period?

So, tonight, I was going to crack open that novel again but decided to have a second gin and tonic instead, and post in my blog.

First Haircut

Before and After. Curls gone. Mommy wept. Just a little.

How do mothers of toddlers blog? I am flummoxed. I am so tired each day I can barely keep up with my emails and have really neglected my online Scrabble friends. Here are recent pics of Mr. Hilarious. And he is. He talks all the time, repeating whatever we say to him. He loves airplanes, playing in the car, throwing anything "up high", jumping on the bed, running, and croutons. Is bad that he had them for breakfast? Because that is all he wanted. Croutons.

Flushed Away

"Mommy's going potty...you stay here, okay?"

Don't you sometimes wish you could rewind time, if only by a few minutes? I do, this morning. My car keys have been flushed down the toilet. Well, flushed anyway. I do not know how far they have progressed but far enough that I could not reach them with my hand. We wont go into details about that part.

It was one of those slow motion moments. Toddler walks in with keys just as I am flushing. Plop! No! Panic! Grab them, you can wash your hands later! Too late! In goes pacifier, too! No! Grab pacifier in time. Put on bathroom counter but to no avail. Speedy little hands grab and put back in mouth. Nooooooo!!! Yank disgusting item from toddler's mouth. Pray.

Nice morning so far, eh?

Hello Kim? Kim?? Oklahoma Kim?

I have tried to email you a few times over the past week, but every time my emails bounce back to me...do you have another email address? I can't email your coworker about her Mary Kay order either...

I am not ignoring you, buddy.

Thanks,
C

Not Quite Twenty Four

Monday, January 22nd, 12:00 a.m. - I am sound asleep, and so is Duncan (for now) but Iain is still awake. I am not sure why, since he's been sick (too) and had little sleep.

12:23 a.m. - I awaken to realize Iain is still awake (see previous entry.) I fall back asleep and say a little prayer that Duncan will sleep well. He is quite congested.

2:33 a.m. - Duncan wakes, cries...I wake, lie still and hope for the best.

2:41 a.m. - I go to check on him, he is sitting up, coughing...I rock him back to sleep and put him back to bed.

4:03 a.m. - More crying and coughing, I go in and settle him again and then crawl back into bed, not sure what day it is...thinking it's Sunday again and that Iain can maybe take the morning shift so I can sleep. Ha!

6:33 a.m. - Duncan up for the day. I go get him and first words, as usual, "Daddy." We crawl into bed with daddy, momentarily, before he is ready to hit the ground running.

7:30 a.m. - Kiss Iain/Daddy good bye then back inside. Hot tea for mommy while I make pancakes...from scratch. Extra mommy points!

11:38 a.m. - Where does the morning go? Duncan has had lunch and is down for a nap. Pray that he sleeps well. I have done two loads of laundry, three loads of dishes (see angry appliance post), hung up clothes in closets, changed four diapers, brushed teeth (!), read My First Bible Story Book three times, and checked MOPS email. Now I will rest.

12:20 p.m. - Crying. Awake.

12:34 p.m. - Still crying. Rocked to sleep by 12:50...sweet baby.

1:55 p.m. - Up from nap and happy. I even managed to sit and go through a stack of mail and write two notes...one to my friend Michelle whose baby died a few weeks ago, and one to my friend De thanking her for awesome hand me downs.

3:13 p.m. - Talk to friend Betsy regarding bringing food for Michelle and her grieving family. Also talk about toddlers. Laugh alot. Make myself a cup of tea and put some in a sippy cup for Duncan. Only an hour and a half until I need to start dinner! Realize everything is frozen. Scramble.

5:15 p.m. - Duncan in high chair eating bowtie pasta with parmesan and peas, hot dog, frozen strawberries, avacado. Thaw chicken, wash lettuce for salad, make marinara sauce, wash 5th sink full of dishes, take three Advil.

5:45 p.m. - Daddy's home! Hurrah!

5:45 p.m. - Duncan out of high chair for post-dinner run through house, play with Daddy, I finish getting dinner in oven.

6:15 p.m. - Duncan in tub. Peace.

6:40 p.m. - Naked baby running through house.

7:00 p.m. - Sleepy baby. Iain reads Mother Goose's Nursery Rhymes (cousin Brittany, previous owner!), I read Curious George Gets a Medal (for 17th time today) and then to bed. Realize I have a song about Larry the Tomato not having a belly button stuck in my head.

8:00 p.m. - I call one of my MOPS moms to tell her we do have a spot for her baby girl in child care this semester then plop back in Iain's leather chair, with heating pad on my back. I am an old woman already.

9:44 p.m. - Iain asleep. I will watch a few Tivo'ed epsidoes of Homicide then go to bed.

Terrible

I am a discussion group leader in a MOPS (moms of preschoolers) group. One of the wonderful ladies in my group was due to have her 2nd baby this month. I got this yesterday from her sister:

Christie,
I'm M's sister. M asked me to email you and let you know what
happened. M lost Kennedy on Sunday. She was scheduled to be induced tomorrow. M felt her move on Saturday night, but on Sunday she did not feel her moving, so
she went to the hospital. They hooked her up to a monitor and there was no
heartbeat. She had a c-section. They are not sure what happened to her, the cord
was not wrapped around her neck, there were no knots in the cord, and the fluid
was clear. She had an autopsy and it will take about a week and a half before we
get the results. She weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and was about 19" long. She is beautiful
and looks just like her big brother. M is scheduled to get out of the
hospital tomorrow. Anyway, I wanted to let you know and if you could please let
the rest of your MOPS group know. If you or anyone wants me to give M any
messages, please email me at adkf;aldjf;ajdflkj@al;djfa.net.

I had some extra lady fingers, leftover from a kick-ass Scottish trifle I made for Christmas, and offered Ducan one, calling them cake. Now he says, "caaaaaaaaaaaake" in this deep little voice.

He is quite a parrot and can mimic almost anything I say. Including "shit."

He is happy, happy, happy and friendly. Waves and says "hi" to just about everyone we see everywhere we go. And cars. And planes. And dogs.

Just writing it down so I don't forget!

Stress Level for the Day (n/k/a SLFTD) 7

• Still no garbage disposal, people
• Brother in law Jim is coming back today to try to help get the stupid thing installed. Yes, back. You are smart enough to figure out what that implies.
• Have birthday party for 2 year-old today that I still have not bought gift for
• Husband at work because of computer virus
• Not sure when brother in law is coming or when husband is coming home
• Party starts in two and a half hours
• Husband having very, very bad time at work
• Dishwasher not working

One is not the loneliest number

I took Duncan to his granny's and aunt's yesterday afternoon and left him to spend the night. Spend the night! Since Iain had to work late I got some cherished time all alone. While I will not say I was dancing with joy, I was pretty excited. I lived alone for quite a long time before getting married. And I loved it. I love being alone. I am an introvert. If I go a long time without solitude I get drained of energy. I need it to recharge.

Happily, Duncan has a grand time at his grandmother's and aunt's house. They have two dogs, two kitties (which are hands down his favorite creatures) and numerous fish and frogs. And a staircase. He has become quite attached to his aunt and can say her name clearly enough for most of us to understand. He still can't say "granny" which I think stings a bit but this wont be forever either.

I have the morning to myself and feel a little paralyzed at all I could do with the time. I have to ask, "what can I do that would be most difficult with a toddler in tow?" That list is quite long. So then I have to prioritize.

I will let you know what I decide.

Awesomeness

Had a play date this morning with some good friends in their totally rockin' playroom. She has left the plain drywall up and has drawn all over it with crayons, and so have the kids. It is really, really cool. The biggest hit? The air mattress.

But really, why?

Happy New Year, Baby!